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What Your Beer Says About You

Below is a great guest blog post from writer, trivia player, and beer connoisseur Jordan Zeilinger! You can follow Jordan at BS and Craft Beer for more hoppy times.

What Your Beer Says About You

With the craft beer scene increasing significantly over the past two decades, it’s easier than ever before to find a local brewery close to your home. But what if you aren’t familiar with the vast styles of beer that will be offered to you? Here is a quick reference guide to what that beer you just ordered says about you!

Pilsner, Lager, or Golden Ale

“I want to try something other than Bud Light, but don’t trust any beer that isn’t translucent.”

Pale Ale

You can tell people you are drinking an IPA without actually having to drink an IPA. What they don’t know what hurt them.

Wheat Beer/Hefeweizen

When you still believe Blue Moon is the pinnacle of the craft brewery industry.


The correct response to your first encounter with an IPA should be: “this tastes like a sweaty gym sock, but I’m going to keep drinking it until I acquire a taste for it.” This is the ultimate test of a person’s dedication to beer.

New England Hazy IPA

When a regular IPA just isn’t pretentious enough for you.

Double IPA

It’s two IPA’s in one?!?! What bang for your buck!

Triple IPA

When you really want to get drunk, but also want to be fancy.

Coffee Stout

How can I justify drinking beer before noon on a weekday? It has coffee in the title, so that should suffice.


I only eat dark chocolate that was humanely sourced from fair trade markets.


Sometimes you just want to drink a glass of juice a few months past it’s expiration date.

Strong Ale/Imperials

How can I get my beer to taste like hard alcohol while also wrecking my taste buds for the next 12 hours?

Saison/Farmhouse Ales

You know those spice cakes during the holidays that everyone throws away? Well, I actually like those.

White IPA

I am racist.

Brown Ale

I am also racist.

Cream Ale

You probably watch a lot of Family Guy and South Park – giggidy.

Berliner Weisse

*See “Sour/Gose”

Red Ale

I enjoyed putting pennies in my mouth as a child.

Amber Ale

Oh, you’re too fancy for a Red Ale, huh?


I enjoy math, and until there is a Quintdrupel, this is what I drink.

Scotch Ale

When everyday is Saint Patrick’s Day.

Double Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk Stout

You really want dessert.

Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout

When you are so bored with beer, you need to add bull testicles to keep that spark alive.

All joking aside, there are a lot of awesome styles of beer out there. All of these – minus the Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout – have their merit, and are contingent on preference. Whatever you drink, just be sure to drink it responsibly!

For more on Jordan Zeilinger, check out his blog BS and Craft Beer. Cheers!

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